That leaves one option. Metabolic Arthritis.
Gout. I have the motherfucking GOUT.
Apparently the two trips to sushi, two trips to dim sum and all the pasta with prawns at work in the last three weeks has given me an abundance of Uric Acid in my system, which builds up and crystallizes in the joints around the ankles and toes causing extreme discomfort and swelling.
Granted we've not done any blood tests for it yet, but it seems likely as fish and red meat (both of which I've had ALOT of in the last few weeks) are AWESOME sources of Uric Acid. And by awesome I mean NOT awesome.
The doctor gave me an anti-inflammatory, which helped almost immediately. The ankle is still tender, but it's not swollen anymore.
I feel like I should be in an old folks home between this and the bushy eyebrows.
Grumpy Old Man