The Velawesomeraptor Himself (clayrobeson) wrote,
The Velawesomeraptor Himself
clayrobeson

Let me tell you about my day...



The train from San Francisco to San Jose was late because of all of the Giants fans who were too dumb drunk to take the trains that left right after the game. I ended up getting home from Saturday night's Improv Festival show around 2:00ish in the AM. Luckily, the Burger King that I pass on the way home has 24 hour drive-thru service, so I arrived home with a double cheeseburger and fries, because I'd really not eaten during the day. esmerel was still up thanks to blessed, blessed insomnia < /sarcasm > so I waved at her, and had BK in bed while watching Sharon Osbourne and David Boreanaz on The Graham Norton Show (bless the BBC).

I finally fell asleep shortly after 3AM, and dreamed restless dreams wherein people wouldn't listen to me, were impatient, and wouldn't let me do things I needed to do before they could get what they wanted.

Since I didn't have to be to work till 1 today, I didn't set my alarm. However, the in-house alarm that is baby Sprout went off much earlier than I wanted to get up. Normally, this is easily resolved with a pillow over the head.******* Sleep generally returns pretty quickly. Today, however, she apparently needed a time out, so got put in her crib. I'm guessing that the closet door in the room was open, because somehow her caterwauling was amplified through the wall to the point where even the pillow couldn't silence it. Fun times!

So I dragged my ass out of bed, where the ever awesome merlinofchaos informed me there were pancakes. I zombie-shuffled to the kitchen and found the golden discs of happy on the stove, picked one up, and for some reason attempted to make a syrup taco out of it. Needless to say, I ended up with syrup running down my forearm. I should have just gotten back into bed right then.

But no, I checked my email, showered, then got ready for work.

At Jamba, I ordered a Power size 3G Energizer with a "please don't let me stab anyone in the face today" boost. The manager laughed so hard he gave me the drink for free.

I got to the restaurant about 1:15, settled in at my normal table (the one near a power outlet) with my laptop, and randomly chatted with athenamuze over Skype that managing on Sundays was awesome because it was generally quiet and restful. I should have just gotten back into bed right then.

Shortly before the lunch waiter left, we got a phone call from the DJ for the wedding that night asking for information on where to park to unload her stuff. I filled her in and figured that was that. I should have just gotten back into bed right then.

A little while after the lunch waiter left, the hotel phone rang. This is usually the phone that room service orders come in on, and during those dreaded hours between 2 and 4:30, the Manager on Duty has to deal with all room service orders, because there's no other waitstaff. I trudged over to the phone and saw that it was the front desk calling. SCORE!! It *WAS* the front desk, and they told me that there was a man who needed to drop off a bunch of flowers for the wedding that night, and needed to give them to the Banquet Manager. It was probably 2:40 at this point, and the banquet manager wasn't due in till 3:00 so I told them that she wasn't here, but if he brought stuff into the restaurant, I'd deal with it.

Five minutes go by... no flower guy. I peek out the front windows of the restaurant, and I see him bringing stuff in, but he's bringing it into the lobby of the hotel. I shrug, and wait for him to come in.

In the mean time, DJ arrives early. She HAS to set up early, because she has to go to the wedding. No problem, says I let me show you where to set up. "Oh, no, this won't work." "This is where all the DJs set up." "Is there somewhere else I can move the table." "No, this is what the bride and the Catering Director agreed to. This is where you need to set up." "Fine."*

BACK into the restaurant. As I get to the server station, the flower guy comes storming in demanding to see the Banquet Manager. "I'm sorry, she's not due in for another ten or fifteen minutes. Is there something I can help you with." "No, I'll just go wait in the lobby." Stomp Stomp Stomp. "If you'd like, sir, they're setting up for the wedding out on the patio, that's where all the flowers will need to go." Stomp Stomp Stomp.

Back to the office to change the music that's playing, because Paulo Conte was getting on my nerves. Vendor lady who does all our specialty linen rentals was there, looking for Banquet Manager. "She's not here yet." "I've got to set stuff up for the wedding, but I don't have the stuff, they dropped it off for Banquet Manager yesterday." "Oh! Everything is right here in the office." "Awesome! Thank you."

This is the point where I notice that the DJ table has been moved out onto the dance floor. This is also the point where I realize that it's AFTER 3:00, and Banquet Manager is nowhere to be found. So I tromp on out to the patio and say to the DJ, "You can't have this table here." "The groom gave me permission." "The groom didn't clear it with the Catering Director." "This is where I'm setting up."

Instead of punching her in the tits like my instincts told me to do, I went back to the office and called the Banquet Manager, who was now 25 minutes late.

Ring ring. "What?!" "DJ is a twat, yada yada." "I can't deal with this right now, my house is flooding!!" "Oh, shit." "Literally, coming up out of my bath tub."

I should have just gotten back into bed right then.

About 3 minutes later, the phone rings. "Just make sure that the DJ's speakers aren't a trip hazard, they need to be in the planters. I'll be there as soon as I can."

So I go back out onto the patio, and sure enough, every speaker stand is a major trip hazard. "You'll need to move the speakers back into the planters, because where they are is a trip hazard for our staff and the guests." "I am *NOT* putting my equipment into the DIRT." "No other DJ who has worked here has ever had a problem with this before." "I am NOT putting my equipment into the *DIRT*." "Fine, then you have to release the hotel and the restaurant from all liability for any accidents that occur during this event due to the unsafe and unauthorized placement of your equipment." And I walk away.

Chef arrives. He usually doesn't work Sundays, but Jr. Chef is on vacation. I brief him on all the fun I'm having with DJ and Flower Guy. Then Banquet Manager arrives and briefs him on her bathroom exploding, and she goes to deal with Twatty McDJpants.**

Pastry Chef arrives to take a picture of the wedding cake and Banquet Manager says, "What wedding cake, this is supposed to be a Dolci Misti***." "Oh, shit." So Pastry Chef dives into Chef Gear and starts making deserts. I help out by cranking out an assload of espresso for the tiramisu soaking, and popping little tart cups out of their cooking tins and arranging them on buffet trays.

Evening waiter has arrived by now and he begins setting up. There are only two reservations on the books, so I figure it will be a quiet night and continue to assist Pastry Chef. I didn't count on The Jazz Festival Effect.

We got a little hammered (for only having one waiter), so I helped out where I could, slacking on my Pastry Chef assistance. But Pastry Chef gets everything done before they're even ready to serve dinner, so it was all good.

At one point, we got a room service call from some woman demanding Tacos. Waiter told her we were an Italian restaurant and she yelled at him to just make her a damn ham sandwich, then hung up. I noted the room number to pass on word to the front desk that she might be complaining to them.

But I didn't get a chance to tell them, because more people came into the restaurant. We were hopping, but in an okay place.+

Banquet Manager comes to me to ask if I can watch the bar out on the patio while they serve dinner. No problem, I do this for them all the time. Of course I'd forgotten how close I would be to Twatty McDJpants, and by this point, I was so tired and frustrated that all I could do was imagine myself clubbing her with the lid to the portable ice bin. That made me feel better.

Then I had to pee.

This became exacerbated when one of the guests came up to me to tell me that there was water leaking over near the gift table.

I grabbed one of the waiters who had finished serving salads, put him on the bar, and went to check it out. Sure enough. Water. The gifts were in no danger, luckily, but I went to tell the Hotel's Front Desk, cause they need to know about these things. Except that the doorway from the patio to the lobby was blocked and labeled with a sign to go through the bar. So I did. And the front desk guy told me about the pipe that burst in room 301, which ran down the walls and leaked all over that part of the lobby. And now, apparently it was leaking through the OUTSIDE of the wall onto the patio, too. YAY!

I returned to the bar, and Banquet Manager told me that Waiter needed me, so I went inside, but he was busy with a table, so I ran off to pee while I had the chance. I should have just gotten back into bed right then.

Waiter told me of a wine he was having trouble finding. I located it quickly and got it to Customer (who was kind of an ass about it). Waiter then told me about another table that had left because it took too long to get their cocktails.****

I told Chef, who was getting ready to leave now that dinner was done being served. He told me to write up an email and send it to him, Restaurant Owner, Hotel GM, and Bar Manager. I did so, but wanted to wait to send it until after Bar Manager had gone home, because I didn't want to have to deal with his drunk ass being all butthurt.

It was at this point that Banquet Waiter came in and told me he needed help because there was this guy who was trying to crash the party. Banquet Waiter had asked him to leave, and he did, but then he came back and got all aggressive with Banquet Waiter, and now he was in the Bar, and Banquet Manager was in the potty (hey, we ALL have to pee SOMETIME). So I sighed, checked to make sure Wedding Crasher wasn't going anywhere any time soon, and went to the front desk to warn them that I might need security to remove someone from the premesis.

Except that when I got to the front desk, Front Desk Manager was hanging up the phone and saying to Other Front Desk Guy that there was no way in hell that he was going to make a run for Tacos for some woman. I laughed out loud****** asked if it was the woman from room ###. "Yeah!" says Front Desk Manager, "How did you know?" "Because she called us, too, about an hour and a half ago." "She just yelled at me for ten minutes because I wouldn't go get her tacos or make her a sandwich. Asking me if I knew who she was and shit."

At this point, Banquet Manager arrives at the front desk and says, "Oh, good, did you tell them about Wedding Crasher?" I laughed out loud***** again and said, "No, we were talking about Taco Lady, I'd not gotten to Wedding Crasher yet." So Banquet Manager and I fill Front Desk Manager in about Wedding Crasher and inform him that we may need security called.

Now, it's WELL past my normal departure time of 8PM. So I order me up some desert, and tell Banquet Manager that I'll sit in the bar and watch Wedding Crasher to be sure he behaves.******

So there I am, standing at the end of the bar chatting with bartender and the bar's Version of Norm when Banquet Waiter rushes in and asks if I saw what happened.

I check the other end of the bar, and Wedding Crasher is still there++. So I say "No! What happened!" And Banquet Waiter says, "Out in the lobby!!"

So I make my way from the bar to the lobby where I see the remains of what USED to be a 4 foot tall ceramic camel statue spread all over the lobby floor.

I should have just gotten back into bed right then

I go back into the bar, where Banquet Manager informs me that Wedding Crasher tried to get in there AGAIN, and she told him he needed to leave. At this point, he's back in the bar, but I see him go BACK out onto the patio again, so I head for the front desk to call security. Wedding Crasher sees me and follows. I tell Front Desk Guy that I want Wedding Crasher Gone. He says he'll go talk to him when he's done dealing with the recently departed ceramic camel.

I turn around to go back into the bar, and Wedding Crasher is standing there arguing with Banquet Manager. I try to remain calm, but Wedding Crasher is spouting the "Do you know who I am?" shtick. We move the 'conversation' back into the bar, I try to remain civil, and then Wedding Crasher pulls the "Your people are disrespecting me" card. "I'm sorry sir, didn't you misrepresent yourself to my staff by telling them you knew someone at the party you were attempting to get into?" "No! I know someone at the party." "We've talked to the bride, sir, she doens't know you." "I know someone ELSE at the party." "That doesn't mean you're invited." "Do you know how much I'm worth? I could buy this hotel! I'm an attorney. I'm going to sue your general manager and I'll own this hotel!" "Are you threatening me with a lawsuit, sir?" "You're disrespecting me." "Are you threatening me, sir?" "You're disrespecting me." "Are you threatening me, sir?" "You're disrespecting me." "Are you threatening me, sir?" By this time the bar's Version of Norm is behind me, touching my shoulder to let me know he's got my back. But I end the conversation and return to the hotel lobby to tell Front Desk Manager to call the cops.

Except that Front Desk Manager isn't there. Other Front Desk Guy informs me that it was Taco Lady who just destroyed the ceramic camel, and accosted the wedding photographer then left the hotel. Except that then she came back, and when Front Desk Manager wouldn't let her back in she started to scream at him, so they were outside chatting. Other Front Desk Guy was frustrated, because he couldn't go take pictures of the camel for insurance stuff because there was no one else there to watch the desk. So I said I'd do it.

Except that the hotel's digital camera had a full memory card. So I went and got the restaurant's camera, and while I was taking photos of the recently departed camel, I heard someone start yelling. I turned around just in time to see Taco Lady throwing the cookies from the front desk all over the lobby. I got a photo of it. She waved for a second photo, then stormed off with her young daughter in tow. Other Front Desk Guy signaled Valet Guy to stop her from leaving, but she climbed into a cab and took off.

Front Desk Manager took this lul in the crazy to go talk to Wedding Crasher. Maintenance Guys started cleaning up dead camel. I went and emailed Hotel Manager the photos I took. THEN the cops finally arrived. I covered the Hotel's Front Desk while Other Front Desk Guy gave a statement to the cops. Cops called the cab company to have them make the cab bring Taco Lady back to the Hotel. The first call I answer for the hotel is Cab Company telling us that cabbie has already dropped her off at Different Hotel. I inform Cops and Other Front Desk Guy of this information. But Front Desk Guy is STILL in dealing with Wedding Crasher, who demands to speak to Hotel Manager, but flees when he sees the cops in the lobby.

And then I had to open a giant can of baby formula for some lady who didn't have a can opener.

At 10:50 I clocked out and headed home, but instead of getting right back into bed, I decided to write this up for all y'all's entertainment.

I am so tired.

me
It's almost like there were two full moons tonight...



+Sorry about the changes in tense... I'm fucking tired.
++Whew!
*Please note: I'm tired, and as such, I have toned down the twattyness of the DJ in this conversation, because I don't have the energy to get myself fired up enough to do it justice.
**Banquet Manager ended up placing the 3 piece Hawaiian band in front of the DJ table, completely obscuring her from view. HA HA!!
***Dolci Misti is just an "assorted deserts buffet."
****There is an ongoing problem with Bar Manager being kind of a douche and not scheduling for the bar properly. Tonight, though, he was here himself to back up the scheduled bartender, except that he wasn't really doing anything other than wandering around looking a little drunk. WHEEEE!
*****That's LOL'd for you text message addicts.
******Mmmmmmm, desert.
*******That's pillow over MY head, not the baby's.
Tags: life, rant, restaurant, wtf
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