- - Good handle on dialogue, although it gets kind of heavy towards the end. Show don't tell
- Interesting characters - well developed
- Pacing of the scenes in act 3 needs to be tightened up -- check the beats
Other than that, she said it was pretty good for a first attempt at a screen play. She actually assumed I'd written one before. She said I should submit it to their big competition (deadline is June 30) after cleaning it up, and I might have a good shot at placing.
If it doesn't move the action forward, or develop characters somehow, edit it down...