I understand now that this morning was a glimpse of what COULD HAVE BEEN if I'd settled for... life.
I could have been content going to work every day, getting a frozen coffee drink, commuting and listening to the radio. Watching movies. Watching TV. Watching life go by.
I'm not a watcher.
I refuse to just watch.
I've chosen the more difficult path.
The opposite of war isn't peace, it's creation. So I'm choosing to wage creation on the world, and fuck everyone who doesn't think I can do it. I don't care if I get famous or rich. I just have to follow the path, because to turn back now would be too disheartening after everything I've touched.
Have you ever experienced that creative swell after seeing a movie or play or reading a book? That fire that makes you want to run out and do it yourself? I've been getting that burning more and more lately. And it's staying with me longer and longer. Almost anything fuels the fire now. It's like a drug, and I need more of it. Much, much more.
So there you go. I'm sorry if I miss your party/movie/game/bar mitzvah/dance/wedding... there's just something I have to do.
*ala Kevin Spacey in American Beauty