February 1st, 2002


Working Through the Crap...

I was going to apologize for dumping all this here, but hey, it's *MY* live journal, right?

Letter to our Director:

We had some good conversation last night, and I totally realize that I'm taking things WAY too personally. As we talked about in my Review, if criticism isn't direct, it can be interpreted, and damned if I don't interpret it in the worst possible way.

My biggest question, really, is WHY they chose to do it this way. I mean, it's their choice, of course, but in the midst of everything changing it feels like we were just cut loose. Granted, I know the odds of us getting re-cast are EXTREMELY good, and I have the utmost confidence in that happening, but that has yet to come to pass, and until then we're in this nebulous limbo which is ten times worse than it's ever been before.

Then there's the whole pity factor. Oy! Tim coming over last night with "Guys, I'm *SO* sorry..." just sucked. Despite what will or won't happen, in essence we all got our two week lay off notice last night. As you said, we shouldn't doubt our own abilities, but just the fact that we have to go through call backs makes it seem like THEY do. It was the general consensus last night that "Some of us won't be coming back."

BAH! I know I'm just rambling, and when all is said and done, I'm going to be back there. It's just... hard to try and see a positive side to it all right now. Heh... I have the urge to go running to Chorm, fall to my knees and ask "Why don't you love me?" Well, as Matt pointed out last night, they CAN'T love me. This is a business, and I realize that I've put FAR too much emotional investment into them, when it should have only been professional investment. I think that's why it hurts.

In the end it will all work out, but the next 19 days are going to be hellish.
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