February 17th, 2002

compton

Taking it Personally...

And I know I shouldn't, but come on:

    Hey everyone-

    Some of you have been asking about the way callbacks will be structured. Here's what I know:

    We will warmup and do some stretching and then do a little movement work--kind of like a follow the leader type thing. For the rest of the time we will do some improv, some musical Improv, and work through a sketch. You will be emailed the sketch on the night of auditions (Monday) so that you and the other people in callbacks will have the same amount of time to look over it. You are also welcome to stop by late at auditions on Monday and pick one up. We expect the sketch to be memorized by the callback.

    All people invited to the callback will stay for the whole three hours. We do not know how many people will be at the callback. No decisions will be made at that time. We will then set up individual meetings with non-TC members that we would like to talk more with (so no individual meetings for you!). The final casting decision will be made after the close of these meetings.

    You will be notified by phone sometime between the callback and Friday at 5 PM. Friday at 5 will be when the cast list is made public.

Less that 24 hours to memorize a sketch. Nice. My weakest point. Of course I assume they're doing it to get rid of me. I know that's not the case, but it feels that way-- and it also jacks the terror quotient up about 90% higher.

I like the fact that we don't have to go through interviews again, but I don't like the fact that we don't get an answer until the final decision is going to be made. Other folks who are getting cut will know right then cause they won't get an interview.

And to top it all off, we'll be told by 5 PM on Friday. The day and time I'm leaving for my birthday ski weekend. Oh yea, this will turn the whole weekend into a huge bundle of fun.

Fuck.

me
Why me?
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    scared scared
compton

Begone Foul Humours of Fear and Doubt!

There's an invisible fist clenched around my heart. Unless I'm actively doing something to distract myself, all I do is worry. I know I shouldn't, and I know it's stupid, but I can't help it. The dragon I'm trying to slay is a big part of myself, and the last two weeks have given it free reign to grow unchecked. Now it looms, daring me to be brave, and taunting me with thoughts of failure.

I know it would only take a step to crush it into a stain of metaphysical goo, but every time I lift my foot to do it I fear that there are holes in my shoes, or that my ankle is too exposed and that it might get in a fatal bite before I can complete the job.

I need to believe in me and what I can do. Sorrow and fear need to be left behind. It's just not that easy. Not easy at all.

Everyone is apologetic for the crap I'm going through, and I do thank you for that even though it's not your fault. But right now I need your strength more than anything else, and most certainly not pity. There's been enough of that to make me feel like a dog being hauled off to the pound for 'sleep'.

I must be strong. I will be strong. I will spread my invisible wings and do the best that I can do. That's all I can do. My best.

me
Damn, you'd think I was a drama queen or something...
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    worried worried