May 28th, 2002



So I called LA on Friday to get feedback on the script I submitted to the Slamdance competition.

    - Good handle on dialogue, although it gets kind of heavy towards the end. Show don't tell
    - Interesting characters - well developed
    - Pacing of the scenes in act 3 needs to be tightened up -- check the beats

Other than that, she said it was pretty good for a first attempt at a screen play. She actually assumed I'd written one before. She said I should submit it to their big competition (deadline is June 30) after cleaning it up, and I might have a good shot at placing.

If it doesn't move the action forward, or develop characters somehow, edit it down...
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