July 17th, 2002


Left ravaged and abused by my own mind...

Nightmares. Haven't had them in a really long time. I don't know that you can really call what I had in the wee hours of this morning a nightmare, either. It was just a relentless dream that wouldn't let me go. Granted, it was horrific in nature, but not "I'm being chased by an axe murderer." It just involved death-- not mine, not anyone I know actually, except in the context that the person in the dream was familiar to me somehow. I'll leave it at that, because the rest is a little disturbing.

Needless to say, this morning I'm exhausted mentally, and feeling a little delicate emotionally. If I think too much about what happened in my mind I get worked up and anxious. You see, I tend to have dreams like this when family members die.

I know it sounds silly, but it's genetic. My mother and I both have bizarre dreams when there's a death in the family. My sister gets physically ill. My aunt, Elaine, usually sees the person in a daydream.

Are we crazy? Maybe. I'm just hoping I'm the only one who dreamed last night, so that it's just a dream and not a 'sign' of something worse.

"This is 911, please leave a message at the beep..."

Additional note: When I worry about it, I'm usually wrong. (10:18 AM)
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    exhausted exhausted


My dad occasionally asks me random questions about computers when he needs help. Today's was 'how do you get Excel to automatically insert the date?"

The answer, of course, is the subject of this post.

It got me thinking of the word Now. You know when you say a word in your head so many times that it stops sounding like a real word? Now is at that point with me.
    now (nou) adv.
      At the present time: goods now on sale; the now aging dictator.
      At once; immediately: Stop now.
      In the immediate past; very recently: left the room just now.
      At this point in the series of events; then: The ship was now listing to port.
      At times; sometimes: now hot, now cold.
      In these circumstances; as things are: Now we won't be able to stay.

      Used to introduce a command, reproof, or request: Now pay attention.
      Used to indicate a change of subject or to preface a remark: Now, let's get down to work.

The thing that seems strange to me is that it starts with the word 'no' or ends with the word 'ow'. In my head (at the moment) both those things give it a negative connotation. Which means that now is bad. And in some ways, now IS bad, but not totally.

I don't know where this is going, of course. These are just random thoughts.

Now... now... NOW... nOW...
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10,000 Hours of Diligence

Pisces Week of July 18, 2002

In an interview with Suzy Hanson on www.salon.com, science writer Michael Shermer described how he asked a researcher on creativity, "What does it take to be a creative genius and reach the top of your field?" The first rule, said the expert, is to spend 10,000 hours mastering your chosen set of skills. I propose, Pisces, that it's now an excellent time for you to begin your 10,000 hours in service to a vocation that's calling to you. The expansive, luck-inducing planet Jupiter will soon enter your astrological House of Diligence, and it will remain there until August, 2003.

Okay, done and done. I currently have four writing projects that will be taking off, three of which are collaborations, and one of those is with my dad. The Foundry is moving steadily forward, and hopefully we'll be able to start searching for a permanent location soon.

It should be EASY to hit 10,000 hours and earn my Genius pin.

Bring it on, Jupiter
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Inequity in the work place...

I am not an accountant. The word 'accountant' does not appear in my title anywhere. And because of this fact, I will always be short changed in my office.

There are four 'Senior Accountant' cubes here that are larger than all the rest of the stalls. They're a stall and a half wide with extra shelves and extra walls. One of them is coming up vacant soon. It is being filled by another accountant because they want to keep the accountants 'together'. Regardless of the fact that there are other empty cubes near other accountants. Regardless of the fact that, quite honestly, I need the space.

Every year, we have an Audit Party when the annual audits are done. A party, celebrating the fact that the accountants did their jobs correctly for another year. When my department busts their ass and locates a million dollars that someone ELSE lost, do we have a party? No. Is there even acknowledgement that it happened? No. We move on, and continue what we do.

Why bother?
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    redheaded stepchild like