June 7th, 2003



There's nothing like the adrenaline rush that accompanies the crunch of the sound of the lens on your glasses breaking as you step on them in the middle of the night.

Or not.


Oh, and I didn't win the damn lottery last night. :P
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The letter I sent off for my Fraternity newsletter today...

Edited slightly

I'm getting old. Ho. Ly. Crap. When did that happen? I can still remember being 18, new to the House, and not yet a Brother... It was Cappy's 25th birthday, and he was being dragged through the house and harassed in his underwear. All I could think was "Wow... Twenty five."

I can still remember P-Head and McKeever throwing me out of their room and making me live with Ron in the Cave cause they were brothers, and I was just a resident. I can still remember actually getting the formal bid offer, and meeting Chuck for the first time ("Hi! I'm Chuck! Guy's brother. But I'm really Guy." Then he found out I was just a resident.) I remember how nervous I was before asking Molzer to be my big brother. I remember taking a mouth full of grain and a lighter and setting my hand on fire during our Pledge Weekend. Then there's Inductions... And Spudich asking me to be his Big Brother. Playing poker in the trophy room at 2AM while Monko filled my shoes with shaving cream. Dropping a smoke bomb down the air vent into Monko's room, causing Bitch to look at me with a new found respect for a good three days afterwards. Going down to State College and meeting everyone at Beta. Living with Jerry. Twelve hour drinking binges at Café 210. Being pledge master. And being Dixon's big brother at the same time...

So many memories. So much time has passed.

You're probably wondering what the hell brought all this on. Well, I spent most of today sitting in my attic here outside of Boston sorting through the boxes of stuff that have been up there for the last five and a half years. It's been a long while since the scrawny, nerdy, seventeen year old Klae left California to go to Penn State to become Brother CLAAAAY!! (4 A's and 2 !'s -- get it right!) It's been a long time, and more pounds and vanishing hairline than I care to go into right now.

But it's been a GOOD fifteen years. Looking back, I don't know that there's anything I would do differently (except maybe smoke bomb more people more often to keep them from giving me too much shit). Now, though, this chapter in my life story is coming to an end. In July, I'm loading up a truck and dragging my sorry self back to California.

The reasons are many... The biggest is to be closer to my family. Work here is unfulfilling (to say the least), and I'm feeling the need to flex my professional comedic wings more. Did I ever tell you guys I spent my nights over the last three years getting paid to be funny? I enjoy doing it so much that I've given myself two years to get an Improv Theater open in San Francisco. Aerospace Engineering? Bah! I should have punched myself in the head for even THINKING that's what I was supposed to do with my life-- or made one of you do it. I'm sure I would have had a lot of volunteers.

So anyway, today I sat in the attic sorting (and throwing away) stuff. Can you believe that I still had the paint I used to paint my Paddle with? The blue and green were pretty much gone, and there was only about half a jar of yellow. Every container was dried solid. My paddle has been in my den hanging over the living room door, shocking my friends since I moved here. "You were in a Frat?" they all ask. "No," I would say, "I was in a FRATERNITY." They'd look confused and I'd give them the "Would you call your mother a mutt, or your country a..." explanation. I found lots of pictures, letters (thanks Norm!) and other stuff that brought back more memories than I expected to remember. It's already difficult enough thinking that I'm leaving the safety of the place I've called home for the last six years, and leaving all the people I call friends... It's as hard as it was leaving Penn State.

I miss you guys. And once I'm resettled, I expect visits. Especially if I win the lottery or something.

{Insert secret handshake here}

Click, if you're bored...
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