June 17th, 2006


Maintaining Balance in the Universe

Some may ask, "Klae, with all the good happening to you, aren't you afraid of some sort of backlash to offset the goodness?"

No, I'm not afraid.  I just plan* days like today.

Through no fault but mine for not mentioning I worked today, merlinofchaos hopped in the shower just as I was standing up to get ready to go to work.  No big deal, put me about 14 minutes behind schedule.  I skipped Jamba and made it to the restaurant with 2 minutes to spare.

On the way to work, a driver (gender and ethnicity to remain anonymous) made a right turn out onto the 4 lane expressway that I was on and decided that they should be in MY late (3 lanes over) and going half the speed I was going.

On the way to work, people were too stupid to merge onto the highway properly, causing a traffic jam of stupidity at the onramp.

But I still made it to the restaurant with 2 minutes to spare.

My busser was zombie dead.  Coughing, pale (even for a Mexican!), and talking like I should be listening to him through a crystal ball, or one of those guys on Fox that talks to the dead.  Since we only had one lunch reservation, I sent him home.

My first customer of the day was a total f*#$^ ^&@*# &&@* ^$(*@&#^ &*@&#^^(!~&(& bitch.  She didn't get off her cellphone the entire time she was in the restaurant.  She refused to read the menu, and just insisted that she wanted "That Fettuccine that I had last night."  Well, ma'am, I didn't wait on your dumb ass last night, so I don't know what it is, could you describe it? "It's Fettuccine.  With the sauce.  That I had last night."  I listed all of the fettuccine's on the menu. "No, it's not them, it's the Fettuccine I had last night.  With the sauce.  I ordered it."  We finally came to the conclusion that it was Fett Alfredo with Chicken (mind you, she was on the phone this whole time).  So I brought her Fett Alfredo.  "This isn't what I had last night.  There were mushrooms and scallions."  Well then bitch, you must have eaten somewhere else, because we sure as shit don't have that on the menu, okay?  I got her some sauted mushrooms and scallions.  F#*&$# stupid $*&@#& left me ZERO tip.

The line cook was being a total dick to me all day for reasons I can't fathom.

Then the restaurant filled up.  I had 31 people come through while I was by myself.  It was ridiculously crazy.  And then some.

tersa came in, and I didn't even get a chance to sit and chat with her while she ate. :<

So once everyone left, I started the process of cleaning up EVERYTHING that didn't get done that my busser would have done.

And I got thru it.

And as I left the restaurant and walked to my car A FUCKING BIRD SHIT ON MY NOSE.

So you see?  There is balance.

Now I have to get dressed to go to the Improv Festival tonight.  Hope you all have a great day.


ps: While I'm at it, what dipshit decided that it would be a good idea to put shampoo in freestanding toothpaste tubes?  How are you supposed to hold the tube, unscrew the cap, squeeze out the shampoo, and then screw the cap back on all at the same time?  I only have two hands, and my penis (contrary to popular belief) is not prehensile.

* and when I say plan, I mean get run over by.