February 15th, 2007

compton

V-Day Roundup

The last week has been the epitome of shittacular.  Sick (physically) then down (mentally) just make for a really crappy combination.

My mental state has been less than optimal for the last week or so (and thank you to those who have helped bolster me, I really appreciate it, especially merlinofchaos, who has gone above and beyond the call of duty).

Yesterday, I really seemed to be coming out of it, and then the Valentines Day Drama started.  Basically, a series of posts by people bitching about Valentines Day, and people bitching about people bitching about Valentines Day really just caused my mood to plummet into the shithole.  I wrote a really long post about it that I saved to a text file and may unearth someday, but for now, it'll be relegated to Klae's Unaired Episodes status.

Needless to say, by the time I was supposed to go to work, I was in the perfect state of mind to wallow for a very long time.  Then I found a Post Office note in the mail box saying that I had a registered letter at the local postal annex.  Registered letters are never good, so of course my mind started spinning, trying to figure out what I'd fucked up recently.  Parking tickets, paid.  Student Loans, deferred.  Credit card bills, paid on time.  Child support, paid in advance (KIDDING!!).  So with my heart in my stomach and my stomach in my mouth, I left the house complete with red t-shirt under my black work clothes (to fool people into thinking I was happy) and made my way to the post office.

When I got there, the woman was a bit surly, but she got my package, and it turns out it was a bottle of beer I'd won on eBay.  ::whew:: So that perked me up a little.

Got to work, and one of the girls had brought in Dove chocolates and Spongebob Valentines for everyone.  That was fun.  We were all there early, setup went quickly, and then the madness started.

It was a busy, steady hum all night. All of my tables were fun and friendly and didn't complain.  merlinofchaos and esmerel came in and had dinner around the same time that my "Sex Table" came in.

"Sex Table?" you ask?  Oh yes... "Sex Table."

Lemme 'splain... it will take too long, but it would be a shame to sum up.

Table 83 (also knows as B3 or Booth 3) is the largest of our booths.  It seats 5 comfortably, and can fit 6 with an extra chair.  At the beginning of the night, it was set for five.  Then bossman told me to switch it up for 6, which I did before we opened.  Then the host reset it for 4.  Then the host reset it for 6.  Then the host reset it for 4.  Then it got sat with 3 people, finally.

And these three people... oy veh!

Guy sat in between two girls who couldn't have been more than 25.  He ordered a round of Kettle 1 and Red Bull for them all.  Then he ordered dinner.  He got the prawns as an appetizer, and he ordered the Oysters Rockefeller for both of them.  You can see where this is going, right?

Three rounds of K1&Bull, dinner, several trips to the bathroom for the ladies (one of which was wearing no bra, and damn was that turkey ever done) (and I think there may have been some nose candy involved), a smoke break (where they guy told me --- we may all leave for a smoke, but we'll be back, we're staying in room ###), more bathroom trips (Girl: Are you coming? Guy: All over you.), woman with no bra's boob hanging mostly out, then they order desert to go, and ask for extra whipped cream.  Guy offers to buy a whole can of it and offers to let me see the pictures, but we make it fresh, and it wasn't involved with any of the evening's deserts, so it was a no-go.  Never the less, girl with bra tells me I'm awesome, gets up, gives me a long, extended hug, and sits back down.  Guy goes to restroom.  Girls get a little cuddly.  Guy comes back.  Table gets cuddly.  If I'd had my camera and offered, I could be doing my first porn shoot right now, I think.  They left me a 20% tip and kept repeating how awesome I was.  Needless to say, "Sex Table" made EVERYONE'S night.  Even the folks working in the bar came over to get a peek at the threesome-to-be.

The evening, on the whole, though, was really fun.  The staff was at their most awesome.  My customers were fantastic.  I made good money.  And I left the restaurant feeling a whole lot better than when I got there.  I'm not 100% yet, but these things take time, so I'm not worried.

OH!  And then I got home to find the box of 20 keyboards that I ordered!!! 

"20 keyboards?" you ask?  Yes, 20 keyboards.  Lemme 'splain.  No, to 'splain would actually take to long, lemme sum up.

Buttercup is marry Humperdink in little less than half an hour. There was a sale for 10 computer keyboards for $17.95 +$5 shipping.  I got two sets (still only $5 shipping).  We're going to do SOME sort of sketch with them.  But I now have 20 brand new computer keyboards sitting in my living room.  Yes, I'm a dork.

So now, here I am, summing up my day, and taking up WAYYYYYYYYYYYYY too much room on your friends pages.

Thank y'all for being y'all.

Oh, and if you have a YouTube account, could you PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE hop over to YouTube and subscribe to Moron Life's videos?  I really really really really hate bothering you all with "please help us out" requests, but we really need to get some recognition over there, and getting a bunch of new subscribers in one week at least gets us on the "most subscribed" list, which may get us some attention.  And, you know, it's really easy to GET a YouTube account, even if you never use it after you sign up for it.

So anyway, hope you all are well.  Thanks for reading this far (if you did).

me
recovering


Edit: Followup -- From Brezsny -- I believe you're climbing up out of the primordial ooze for the last time. You're done! Never again will you be fully immersed in the stinky depths of hell on earth! Never again will moody despair comprise more than 49 percent of your worldview. From now on, you will be smarter about how to avoid unnecessary pain and misery. You will also be a better escape artist. Now go buy yourself a graduation present.