July 18th, 2007



Four years ago today, I made my glorious return to California.

Three years ago today, I made my home with merlinofchaosTurk and esmerelCarla.

Anniversaries abound.

Unfortunately, sleep does not.

Wasting away again in postaritaville...

You KNOW you want to be me...

So I just got off the phone with Bob, the director for Safeway.  He wanted to fill me in on the MC gig next week.

I'll be in an auditorium of about 350 people, hosting an event for bring your kids to work day.  The kids will be asked questions like "How many chambers does the heart have?" and they'll answer them on little pushbutton boxes.  I'll be revealing the correct answers and doing the between question patter.

Dressed as a giant banana.

The questions will be asked by an animated artichoke.

My life is fucking AWESOME.

I am a banana!

Washington Mutual, if I don't get an ass kissing phone call pretty soon... POW! Right to the moon!


June 30: Call about unauthorized charges on debit card.  Get transfered into hold queue for claims department.  Sit on hold for 45 minutes before having to leave for work.

July 2: Call again about unauthorized charges on debit card.  Speak to rep #1 who cancels my debit card, issues new card (to be received in 3-5 business days), and transfers me to claims department.  Sit on hold for 20 minutes, talk to claims department for 40 minutes.  Told that in 3-5 business days there will be a provisional credit, and I'll be receiving paperwork to process claim in 7-10 business days.  Yes, I know that 4th of July will cause delays.

July 16: Notice nothing has been done to my account.  Ponder.

July 17: Notice nothing has been done to my account.  Wonder.

July 18: Notice nothing has been done to my account.  Worry. 
Call customer service, get transfered to "Existing claim" department.  They have no record of my claim.  "Exqueeze me?  Please to be transferring me to claim reportings department.  Peeples gonna die!"  "Oh, I can't transfer you, I can only give you their phone number."  "Fine."

Call claim reporting department. "We're sorry, we close at 4:00." 

Head explodes.

Leave a message expressing my extreme displeasure with their "sorry excuse for customer service."

Call main customer service number. "Hi, can you verify your name please?"  "No, I want to speak to a supervisor immediately, because I don't want to start screaming at you, because you don't get paid enough." "Please hold Mr. Klae."

Supervisor, Amanda comes on the line.  I apologize to her ahead of time because "I'm infuriated with the ridiculously craptastic level of your customer service, and while I realize you probably can't do a thing to help me because it's not your department, I want to yell at someone, and you're it."

"Go right ahead, sir."

And so I cover everything that I just typed about.  At the very end, a single profanity slips out (pissed), and I apologize for that.

"Don't worry about it, sir, you're the calmest person I've talked to all day, and from the way it sounds, you have a right to be very angry.  Let's see what we can do to fix this."

She finds the problem charges, and asks me if I'm willing to hold while she calls claims.

"They close at 4:00, but feel free to try, Amanda."

I hold for a few minutes, she comes back on the line apologizing for the wait time, tells me that she's got someone from claims on the line, and that they're processing the information.  It will just be a few more minutes.

I ask her to check and be sure someone requested a new debit card for me while she was on hold with claims.  She says sure.

::insert hold music here::

She comes back on the line to tell me that they're wrapping up writing the claim up, and that it will just be a few more minutes.  And no, whomever canceled my card didn't request a new one for me. "I'm not sure why they didn't, but we'll take care of that as soon as I'm finished with the claims department, if that's okay."

"Of course." What other choice do I really have?

She comes back on, 3 to 5 days, yada yada, paperwork in 10 days yada yada.  "Now, because they didn't request a new card be issued immediately, I have to do an identity verification."  What's your address yada, when did you open the account yada. "And unfortunately, because it's a new request, they have to issue a new PIN number, which you'll receive in 7-10 days, so you won't be able to actually use the card until then."

"So," I say, "for the record in case this is being recorded.  The person that canceled my card was stupid and didn't request a new card.  Then the person who took my claim information was stupid and never submitted the claim.  So there were multiple instances of idiocy happening on this one call I made?"

"That is correct, and I apologize for that.  It's inexcusable."

"Yes, it is.  Thank you for your help, Amanda."

Oh yes, there will be some vengeance coming down from on high, I can tell you.

Filled with wrath

Simpsonize me!

You know, being in a cartoon takes 20 pounds off ya!!  Check it out.  Just be prepared to do it over and over again, cause server load is pretty hefty.  Took me about 35 minutes to get through.  And yes, I was doing other things than just hitting refresh.


Words of wisdom...

"As palavras escritas jamais morrem."

It is the words unwritten that die.

This came up in a conversation with missmelysse this evening, and I've decided to co-opt it for my own purposes.

It is the dreams unchased that die.

Dream chaser catcher