I have been a good Boy.
It really wasn't my fault what happened at Jimi's Christmas party. It was Chad who spiked the punch with too much Vodka Gimlet. I can't help it if I drank seventeen glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like Lilac.
I thought it was funny when I put Melissa's Panties on my head and danced the Rumba on the Dinner table while singing "That's Amore''. I didn't mean to break Jimi's Vibrator and don't know why Jimi would sue me for Grand Theft Auto.
I don't remember calling Roger's wife a beerlicious Emu---even though she looked like one with Gold eye shadow and Red lipstick!
And when I threw up on Rachel's husband's elbow, it was only because I ate too much of that Pork Rinds.
After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my Dodge Dart through my neighbor's Foyer. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a craptastic Duck and have me arrested for Intellectual property infringement!
So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all long and hard. And I'm really not to blame for any of this throbbing stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!
Sincerely and quickly yours,
Klae (Really a nice Boy!)
P.S. It's only 69 bucks!