The Velawesomeraptor Himself (clayrobeson) wrote,
The Velawesomeraptor Himself

Inspired by mr_sarcasm's creativity...

So in college, there was a huge epic story written on 3x5 index cards called Siegfraud. It was the adventures of all us Thespians (no, not lesbians) at Penn State. It was a totally fanciful adventure story about what was going on. If you were cool, you lived, if you were a dork, you got thwacked. The story, all told, was probably a good five inches thick (making it 3x5x5) and was a very very long tale.

And so, in the vein of classic Siegfraud, I have decided to start my own tale chronicling my adventures in Boston, and eventually California. To those of you who show up in here (especially my long fingered roomie), it's supposed to be funny! Please don't kill me.



Episode 1: Why the hell did you leave it out in the Outback?

The freighter U-Haulius docked at Canton Station, on the outer rim of MetroBostonia. Canton station was one of those space ports where nothing good ever happened because everything fun was happening somewhere in MetroBostonia, a mere twenty-five minutes away at warp 128. Or 95. Or 93. Or 28 through Dorster, but you only want to fly through Dorster during the day with your doors locked...

Kaptain Klae, commander of the U-Haulius disembarked and reported in for his doldrum of a job that wasn't the job it was supposed to be while his podmate Silas ObiBrian Kenobi (SOK for short) hauled things to their small, but quaint pod. The pod reeked of the late 1970s in that there was this lingering stench of old Disco and linoleum everywhere, but that was soon taken care of.

SOK quickly found his place in the Mecca that was MetroBostonia. He made many friends in places like Moon Ray, and Planet Yourmovegames. He was popular, and loved, and loved MetroBostonia, even though it took twenty-five minutes to get anywhere, and even longer to park. Kaptain Klae, however, sat in his doldrum of a job and only traveled the outer rings to and from the pod and work, rarely venturing into the blissful inner not-so-sanctum of MetroBostonia.

Occasionally, SOK would convince Kaptain Klae to venture out, but those times generally led to unease and discomfort as Klae wasn't as well versed in the language of the Gorth that SOK spoke so well. The writhing and flailing of arms in black lit pods wearing only black was far too complicated for Klae to understand, and so he wallowed on his own on the outskirts of the talking cage until it was time to depart.

One trip in particular, SOK took Klae out to Centralus Squarus IV, to the Moon Ray. But Klae's work shuttle had been disabled by an attack of Engineseize Fiends from Oil Leakia II so SOK had to race from Canton Station to Klae's work pod and then back into MetroBostonia. They stopped off at Hubba2 on their way to the Moon Ray so that SOK could pick up his new all black leather space suit that would surely let him commune with the she-Gorths that much better. The leather space suit was quite fetching, but there seemed to be a flaw in one of the zip seals. Sadly for SOK, this was discovered after curfew on Hubba2, so there was no way to rain down hellfire on them until Monday.

SOK and Klae got back in SOK's pod and orbited the Centralus Squarus system for a while trying to decide what to do. Obviously, with a flawed zip seal, the leather space suit couldn't be worn out in public*. So SOK decided to give it the good old Boy Scout try and hired four Boy Scouts to try to repair the zip seal while Klae waited out on the docking pad where the pod was docked.

The Scouts were unsuccessful, and SOK dispatched them in a flurry of Ninja badness, making a huge racket in the process, and causing people who passed by the docking pad to look quizzically at the flying Scout parts.

Klae, ever being the master of words, said the only thing he could to ease the minds of the passersby.

"Dingo ate his baby..."

Here endeth the episode.

* If you don't know, there's nothing more humiliating that being caught out in public with your zip seal unsealed, especially at Moon Ray when you're flirting with she-Gorths.

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