I see things in the images on the screen. I see things I'd like to do. Things I'd like to be. Places I'd like to go. Adventures I'd like to have.
Don't get me wrong, I like who I am (give or take a FEW details, but who doesn't have THAT issue), but sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I'd made other choices.
I wouldn't be me, that's for sure.
I can trace back, step by step, what has lead me to be who I am, and some of those steps were hard. Many of them were painful. I owe alot to the people who pushed me down those paths-- because sometimes I didn't take them of my own volition. Other times I did, and I'm not proud to say that sometimes it was to spite those who'd hurt me.
But then there are choices that I made out of fear. I chose the path that was least threatening, least dangerous... the safe road.
THOSE are the choices I wonder about.
Of course, I didn't have the courage, nor the belief in myself that I do now. And had I made different choices then, I wouldn't have gone through the fires that turned me into me.
So really, this whole post is pointless. :) Sorry!
There are things I want. And in order to get them, other things have to be neglected. Or do they? Am I too scared to choose to try to juggle? Am I justifying my fear with 'It's the smart thing to do' and 'You have to focus'. There's too many questions, and not enough answers. I can only hope that if there's a fork in the road I'll have the courage to take the path (or paths) that I truly want to.
Brave Little Soldier