The Velawesomeraptor Himself (clayrobeson) wrote,
The Velawesomeraptor Himself

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I like to sing. I like to hear my voice mingle with another, and when the tones are just right, feel the energy that is created.

I look at my interactions with people the same way.  When I'm around someone, I try to adjust my 'tone' to match theirs-- and it works rather well.  There are few people that I meet face to face that I can't get along with.

When groups of my friends are together, I can generally manage to balance the "chords" and help ease their interaction.  It pleases me to see groups of people who normally wouldn't interact getting along.

I take pains to make sure my actions don't ruffle feathers.  I think about how my decisions will impact others.  No matter how offended or hurt I get, I try to smooth things over.  And when I chose not to, when I speak up, everything seems to fall to shit.

But lately, I wonder if the effort is worth it.

Tonight I realized that not a whole lot of people do what I do. And what I do is probably overkill.  Seriously, why should I worry about offending people when they really don't do the same for me.  It's not like they're setting out to offend me, but I am not a consideration in their actions, so why should they be a consideration in mine, right?

Everyone doesn't have to love me.

And there we have it.  That's what it all boils down to.  I worry about people not liking me, so I fashion myself to their liking.  And I suffer for it.

I think it has to stop.  To those of you who discover this is not to your liking, I'm sorry, but I just can't keep up the effort.  I'm only human, and I'm tired of fighting to find the right note in the chord to keep everyone happy.

From now on I'll sing my own song, or just be silent.

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