Today I have made a new enemy. It is the New Scale brought into the house by my roommates, Turk and Carla. While it is pretty and shiny and streamlined, it is also filled with an evil worthy of... well, evil. See, according to New Scale, I am now 7 pounds heavier than I was when Old Scale lived here. Granted, Turk did mention something about this at some point, but I'm pretty sure I wasn't paying enough attention for it to register until AFTER I'd asked New Scale to bolster my self esteem with a new, digital, lower number. But more importantly, according to New Scale, I fit into the category of Males between 21-39 who are "obese". How does it know this? It shoots an electrical current up one leg and down the other (without even a courtesy tickle on the bum) and then tells you how fat you are. So here I sit, debating eating sauteed air for lunch, because New Scale is such a soulless bitch.
Curse you New Scale. Curse you.
On the bright side, though, I replaced the screen and blades in Electric Razor, and he has made my face as smooth as a baby's bottom (that has been shaved with Electric Razor).
< /Braff >
I can't do this all on my own...