This has been a really tough couple of weeks for me. I've been putting this post off because I didn't want to seem whiney, but... I figured I'd lj-cut instead. Folks who aren't interested won't click on the cut tag anyway.
I'm massively burned out.
Between the show, and the restaurant, and the cheese website... I'm just fried.
My temper has been short alot at the Moron Life writing meetings. It's not unjustified that I get upset, I'm just usually better at hiding it. I'm getting frustrated with people not being punctual for meetings and shoots. It's really hard not to feel like I'm wasting my time when things have to be repeated over and over as each person drags themself into the meetings. But then, they're not getting paid... so do I really have a right to complain?
I still like working at the restaurant, but again... burnout. I just need some time away. Taking Saturday night off to go play in the city with Walid was great, but my Sunday shift (on call) was canceled. And the banquet I was supposed to be working tomorrow was canceled, leaving me with one waiting shift and one management shift this week. Whoops. Ditto next week. Ditto whoops.
My appointment for a haircut last Friday got fucked up, and I got all the way to the salon just to find out I didn't actually HAVE an appointment. Welcome to my frustration. That just set my day off on the wrong foot.
And the more tired and frustrated I am, the more hypercritical I am. One of the waitresses was asked out by one of her customers Friday night and she said yes... and I suddenly found myself insanely jealous. Not because I'm in love with said waitress, but because I realize that will never happen to me. From either side. Some hot woman won't come into the restaurant, think I'm amazing and ask me out on the spot. Nor, if I was to fall madly in love with a waitress in some OTHER restaurant that I asked her out, she probably wouldn't say yes. So I spent all of Friday night's shift wallowing in self loathing/pity. Mmmm, makes for a tasty after dinner treat. Not.
I'm also feeling like I'm annoying people by posting shit about Moron Life. (Cry for Approval Warning!!!) I know I shouldn't base the value of something I've worked on by the number of compliments it gets... but sometimes it's hard not to question the work when it's thrown out to minimal response.
On the other hand, Saturday, as I said before, was awesome. I had a really great time up in the city with walid_muffin. But of course, arriving back in SJ and being backed into by annoying lady... sort of counteracted any goodness that came about.
And now Lorayne...
It just doesn't seem to want to stop.
Hopefully these two back to back vacations will help refresh and recharge me.