The freakin email machine still isn't working right. Replaced the video card. Sorta worked, then decided it wanted to shut down randomly, then decided it just didn't want to boot all the way up anymore. So Turk gave me a new motherboard to try. Now the damn thing is starting up and shutting down like a freakin cholo revving his engine.
I'm guessing it's the power supply, then. By the time I'm done, it will have been easier to just go buy a fucking Mac.