The Velawesomeraptor Himself (clayrobeson) wrote,
The Velawesomeraptor Himself
clayrobeson

Struggles: Wherein I'm a whiny bitch


Wow, this just sucks.

No matter what I do, I can't seem to fucking win.  Am I truly strapping myself to a sinking stone?

Today was a great day.  We filmed five musical guests for Moron Life.  We had a good time, we had some awesome talent, we were efficient and professional.  I felt, for the first time in a long time, that we were moving forward and doing something really productive.

I get home to find that the kids from this group in San Francisco are featured on YouTube.  They posted a video the same day I posted the "Numa Numa" parody. Ours has 180 views, theirs has almost 180,000.  What am I doing wrong?

The cube looks better and better every fucking day.

I should totally be happy for the kids from that group, but all I can see is where I'm failing in light of everyone else's success.  And now I'm being moody and whiny about it, too, which is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO fucking attractive.  It just keeps bringing up the question of whether or not it's worth trying to continue doing this.  I can ditch it all, get a day job and make REAL money, and be miserable.  Or keep it up, make no money, be a burden to my family and friends and be riddled with huge bouts of self doubt and loathing of my own failures interspersed with sprinkles of joy for minor achievements that don't add up to shit in the end.

Gotta love the coin that has tails on both sides.

me
Whiny McShutuppants
Tags: fuck this
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