Unfortunately, when I needed the Emergency Pants, there were none.
I was scheduled to have lunch with my friend Jim (no relation to atomsplitter) today. I arrived at The Brit on the Almaden Expressway 10 minutes late (thank you traffic lights). But Jim had just himself arrived, so all was right in the world.
We entered The Brit and found a table in the corner. We sat at said table and ordered a couple pints, and a couple burgers.
Said burgers arrived in due course, but they were preceded by said pints, mine being a very nice ESB. Between the time when previously said pints and previously said burgers arrived, I sipped pleasantly (but sparingly) on my pint, because nothing goes with a pint like chips (fries for you Britophobes).
Previously said burger, did eventually arrive (still in due course). I vinagered my chips, and reached for the mustard to mustard up previously said burger. Unfortunately for me, said mustard was now the only thing holding up the menus standing in the middle of the table, since previously said vinager had been moved to vinager up the chips.
And so I watched as, in slow motion, said menus fell forward, making contact with previously said pint, which tipped sideways missing previously said burger and spilling out onto previously previously said table, running into my not previously mentioned lap.
Your crotch gets very cold in a convertible when damp with ESB.